Stop the Fighting for Valentine’s Day

Stop the Fighting for Valentine’s Day

Want to give

a gift that lasts a lifetime?

How about stopping the fighting and healthily resolving conflict? Here are three quick tips to get you down the drama-free road:

 

  1. Original Intent. Remember, you loved this person so much you committed to a relationship together. Over time with consistent unresolved conflict, we begin to see the weaknesses and shortcomings of our partner. Often, these are the backsides of a strength that originally attracted us to him or her. Example. A person who is fun and spontaneous may overdraw the checking account. A person who is the rock of stability may seem inflexible and rigid. Once you begin seeing the negative in a person, changing out your lenses can be difficult. When we see people in a certain perspective, we often put them in a box they can rarely escape. Everything they say or do is now seen and heard in a negative perspective. We no longer give them the benefit of the doubt. We forgot if their original intent was positive. We keep them in a box of negativity. Only we can let them out. There are a few truly evil people in the world. I have not met any yet. Most people begin with good intentions, then something goes sideways. Remember where you started and when things came off the rails. That is the place to repair and put the relationship back on track.

2. Empathy and Understanding. Seek to understand before being understood. God gave us two ears and one mouth. We should use them in proportion. We can never truly understand what another person is feeling, even the one we love so much.

However, we can give the gift of listening to his or her heart, so they FEEL and EXPERIENCE being understood. All too often, we jump in with our own story and fail to listen to his or her story. Empathy is not sympathy. Most of us do want sympathy. We want those closest to understand us. You cannot begin to resolve conflict if you cannot understand each other. You do not need to agree, in fact, on some issues, you may never agree. However, you do need to respect and understand each other. Each of you must feel valued and important, so important you will give undivided attention to listen with empathy seeking to understand the other.

 

  1. Perspective. We can fight over the most trivial things! One couple married over 75 years was asked the secret to their lifelong commitment. The answer was simple. “We decided not to fight over the little things”. When asked what a “little thing” was, they said almost everything. Perspective helps to frame life. I often use the crystal ball question. Do you think this would still be an issue five years from now? If the answer is yes, then you certainly need to work through the issue to find a resolution. If the answer is no, then let it go. You have made a little thing into a big thing. We need to fight the urge to always be right. You may prove yourself right and be all alone. Humility goes a long way to apology and forgiveness keeping your relationship strong and loving.

I could go on. Sharlyne and I have been married for over 44 years. Do we have disagreements? Of course! Do we remember the original intent of the other, understand with empathy, and keep things in perspective? Usually. We have our moments, too. But we repair and don’t leave conflict unresolved. May you as well.

Shalom,

Dr. Randall Kinnison, aka Doctor Peace

Peace in Spirit

Peace in Spirit

How is it

With your soul?

Are you at peace amid everything swirling around you? For some, 2020 was challenging, but also rewarding. Some businesses grew to experience their best year ever. And, some businesses could not survive the lockdowns and were forced to close the doors. Normally, my spirit is deeply anchored and feels the waves battering the ship, yet the anchor holds firm. I will be honest, today the choppy waves are knocking me down a bit. So, let’s explore what it means to experience peace in spirit.

I realize not all of you listening may believe in the concept of spirit. However, many people believe in the human spirit. What in the world is the spirit? In my world view, spirit equals soul. You will not find the spirit in an autopsy. You cannot surgically remove it. Behavioral and neurological scientists have debated the existence of the spirit or soul for years. In the book, Why God Won’t Go Away: Brain Science and the Biology of Belief by Newberg and d’Aquili, they write about research related to the “soul” or spirit. Fascinating stuff. I believe you are born with a soul you have a soul from the moment of conception. Now, since you have a soul, how do you find peace in your soul or spirit?

Here are 3 tips to creating peace in your spirit:

1. Anchor your Spirit. In Greek, the word spirit is derived from the word for breath, pneuma, often referred to as the breath of life. In Stoic thought, spirit is defined as the vital spirit, soul, or creative force of a person. The spirit needs a focal point, an anchor, a belief that becomes unshakeable. The anchor varies between people and their belief systems. For me, my anchor is Jesus. His anchor has stood the test of time for centuries in the lives of others. Jesus has anchored me for decades giving my spirit focus and purpose. My feelings may vary from day to day, just as I mentioned feeling a bit overwhelmed today. I know those feelings will pass and my anchor will hold.

2. Cultivate your Spirit. I don’t believe you can grow your spirit, but you can cultivate peace in your spirit. For me, that cultivation happens with consistent prayer, meditation, and practicing spiritual disciplines. For others, meditation is the key. Every day I spend time in Bible reading, prayer, journaling, and meditation. I frequently add fasting as well. Practicing these disciplines daily creates a strong sense of peace and calm in my spirit. Once a month, I spend a Day in Prayer. Setting this day aside has been life-changing for me. In the past, I would take a whole week for prayer and solitude. These daily behaviors have created a strong tether between my spirit and my anchor. When the storms of life come and the waves crash over the bow, I am confident my anchor will hold, even if my emotions sway with the waves.

3. Protect your Spirit. Protection is different than cultivation. I protect my spirit by limiting exposure to influences that could erode confidence in my anchor or the strength of my tether. I quit watching and reading the news years ago. I admit, this last year with the coronavirus, I did read more news than usual. Now, I have returned to my former habit. I try to stay informed of world events in other ways. I limit my time on social media except communities and groups. I feed my spirit with TED Talks, podcasts, and reading books. I am a non-fiction guy reading books dedicated to learning something new every day. The concept is protection and prevention. Focus on those things that bring peace, joy, and happiness. We entered 2020 planning of what we could gain and finished the year thankful for what we kept.

The world around us continues to grow unstable. We all need an anchor. We all need a strong tether. You can find peace in your spirit. If you need some help, hit me up on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.

 

Shalom,

Doctor Peace

I Have a Dream for Peace

I Have a Dream for Peace

What if Americans

rose up and said, “Enough”!

I believe we have more that unites us than divides us. That was the dream of Martin Luther King, Jr. He had a dream of justice achieved through peaceful means.

What if Americans chose to speak to each other, not at each other? What if we had serious and meaningful, and yes, difficult conversations about our problems? Not your problem or my problem, but our problems together as Americans.

What if Americans choose not to let news outlets or social media control their beliefs and thoughts? What if once again we could dream about an America that all people would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?

What if Americans choose to build their cities into sanctuaries of peace instead of burning anger of destruction? What could we achieve to address injustice, poverty, mental illness, and homelessness if we were united and not divided?

We stand on a precipice. We face an hour of decision. What will we do? I am not talking to the politicians or the leaders of commerce. I am talking to you and me. I am talking to every American. Will we stand by and allow others to further divide us? Will we stand on the sidelines and wonder what happened? Or, will we jump in the game and become part of the solution? What can we do? What will we do?

1. We must believe in the power of one. Martin Luther King, Jr. changed the course of a country, not as a politician, but as a citizen with a dream and message. He was one person with a voice for justice and peace. We have more power than you think. We must become part of the answer through our involvement in schools, neighborhoods, non-profits, businesses, city halls, and every part of our communities.

What is your passion? Where can you make a difference? Join where others have a similar passion. Volunteer at a school or non-profit. Get on a committee. Gather neighbors for fun and discussions (safely, of course). Become a foster parent. Attend city hall meetings. If we want peace, if we want unity, it means involvement. We can no longer isolate ourselves. We must be heard. Martin Luther King, Jr. began a peaceful movement that moved mountains. He was one voice that united millions.

2. We must build bridges, not walls. We must be intentional. To do nothing only allows the rift to grow and further divide us. There are forces at work that wish to divide us. We have the power to unite, to change, to move forward toward a dream of equality, justice, and peace. We build bridges when we reach out a hand, not clinch a fist. Bridges are built from both sides and met in the middle. Bridges can be of all shapes and sizes. The goal of every bridge is to bear the weight of traffic. When we build the bridge, we together create the structure to bear the weight of the problems facing our communities and nation. Let’s build bridges, not tear them down

3. We must, we must talk together. We must respect each other while not agreeing with each other. When people across the world with opposing ideologies sat down and spent a day talking to each other rather than about each other, a wonderful thing happened. People become people, not an enemy. They discovered shared experiences and celebrated their humanity. They realized peace comes one relationship at a time. And there it is. A relationship that can tear down walls and build bridges.

4. Join the PeaceWave. If you want to create more peace for you and those around you, check out my website – www.doctor-peace.com and become part of my Facebook Group. Let’s create a community of those who are creating peace!

We are far more like each other than different. There is far more that unites us than divides us. When we reach high enough, we find the things that will unite us, not divide us. We can find a common dream. A dream of a peaceful America, a safe America, a just America, a prosperous America, and a compassionate America. Let us all become dreamers!

Get Your Peace Together

Get Your Peace Together

You have heard

a similar expression right?

What would happen if you got your peace together this year? How would your life change? How would life change for others around you? What if enough people got their peace together and that peace rippled through our country?

I am starting a 3-month series devoted to helping you and others experience more peace. We will cover topics like peace with your mind, body, and spirit. We will include topics around peace with your significant other, family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and even random encounters. We will talk about peace with money and peace with things. Let’s get our peace together!

Anxiety is an enemy to peace. You cannot experience peace when your mind is captured by anxious thoughts. When I write this blog, our anxiety as a nation is at an all-time high of around 50%! One out of two people are experiencing abnormally high anxiety. As I examine my inner peace, I realize my anxiety is heightened. The anxiety shows up by losing sleep, thinking about exposure to COVID-19 (doctor gave me a 50/50 chance of survival), navigating the business terrain, helping aging parents, taking care of family, and the desire to impact others with peace before my death. When I stop to consider everything on my plate, there is a considerable amount of stress. I have handled stress pretty easily for most of my life. At 64, my energy level is not the same as my 40-year-old self. We all have stress and anxiety. The question? How are we dealing with it?

Anxiety can be annoying or debilitating. For me, anxiety means loss of sleep at times, lack of energy, inability to focus, and sometimes feeling a bit paralyzed. For you, it can be similar or far worse. Some people have severe anxiety making everyday life difficult. You may need medication to help settle your mind until the stress and anxiety lessens. Some need medication on a more permanent level due to biochemical imbalances in the brain.

Here are a few tips for those of us facing some anxiety:

1. Mind Dump the things you THINK about which create anxiety. I use this technique often when my mind is over active going to bed or when I wake up in the middle of the night.  You may be anxious about what you are not getting done. I need to get everything on my mind out of my head and on paper. This helps me. The next step is creating a plan of action to get things done. A realistic plan! If your plan is unrealistic, then you end up creating more stress and anxiety. Your plan must include a calendar to schedule the day and time you will get it done.

2. Think through the worst possible scenario. Now, what would be the results and how could you move forward? We often think we could not survive. We can survive, and eventually, often thrive. As a mediator, I often encounter people at some really difficult moments in life. They wonder what lies ahead. Initially, life was difficult. Then, the sky parts and the sun emerges. Life goes on. They realize many of their anxious thoughts were unfounded.

3. Meditation or Prayer daily. There are many studies to support the physical and mental health linked to meditation and prayer. I know of no other practice more helpful than exercising your mind to create stillness and peace. You need to learn to build and flex your brain muscle to bring peace and quiet. The more you practice, the faster and deeper you can go to a place of peace of mind. I will delve more into this practice in one of the future blogs.

Anxiety is the enemy of peace. Hope some of these thoughts will be helpful for you to create some peace. Let’s get our peace together changing our lives and those around us!

Shalom

Doctor Peace

Three Actions to Create Peace and Prosperity in 2021

Three Actions to Create Peace and Prosperity in 2021

Three actions

to create peace and prosperity in 2021

New Year’s is around the corner. Are you making any resolutions? Want to change anything?

How about next year being your best year yet in creating peace and prosperity?

Here are three actions to put on your TO DO LIST for 2021:

1. Carve out 10% of your time to devote to inner peace and growth. You have 24 hours every day, so 10% would be 2.4 hours. You are thinking, “I don’t have that much time!” Are you sure? What about time spent watching tv or gaming? What about sleeping until the last possible moment to get up? If you want your best year yet, then you need to spend 10% of your time on YOU! What will you do with that time?

  • Meditate or pray. Do you want more peace? Meditation or prayer is a proven activity that lowers anxiety and increases both mental and physical health. Think about 5-15 minutes for meditation or prayer.
  • Journal. Every day enter a note about gratitude. When you foster a spirit of gratitude daily, you will notice a difference in how you go about the day. You will be less anxious about what you don’t have and more thankful that what you do have. Just read this quote. “I thought 2020 would be the year I got everything I wanted. Now I know 2020 is the year I appreciate everything I have.” Think about 5-10 minutes journaling.
  • Exercise. You don’t need to join the gym. Just move at least 30 minutes a day that can get your heart rate up. Consistent exercise releases all the good hormones and helps negate the bad stuff. If you need to lose weight, consistency will help, but nutrition is best. Think of at least 30 minutes for exercise.
  • Eat Good. Eating right takes time to actually slow down when you eat as well as making food that is good to eat. Nutrition might actually be the change with the biggest impact in your overall physical and emotional health. When I eat like crap, I feel like crap. If I eat good, I have higher energy and clear thinking. Both help me get things done, which in turn, creates peace and less anxiety over what is NOT getting done. Think about one hour for meals and meal prep. Slow down and eat right.
  • Plan Your Work and Work Your Plan. Easy, right? Many people plan a day. Few plan a week. Create a template for a week that reflects your values and priorities including time for others. Plan your week based on the template including each day. Think about the ONE THING most important to complete each week. At the end of the year, you will have moved the needle in the areas that matter most. Want more peace and prosperity. This is a key one! Think about 15 minutes to plan your week and 5-10 minutes to prep for the next day.
  • Read. In some part of your day, take 10-15 minutes to read. That should be about a chapter a day. Depending on the book, that means a book completed about every two weeks. Coupled with listening to a book or podcast in the car, on a run, or working around the house, and you are LEARNING! Leaders are readers. Think about 15 minutes for reading.
  • OK. Depending on how you time the above out, you took 10% of the day for activities that will create health, peace and prosperity in 2021. Not as daunting as you thought, right?

2. Save 10% monthly. No rocket science on this one. One of the greatest enemies of peace is money and bills. What if you paid off all the debt and saved 10% each month? How would that effect your peace and prosperity by the end of next year? You don’t need to answer that. Set up an auto withdrawal to your savings or investment account. In other words, pay yourself FIRST, not LAST. Live within your means without the credit card. At the beginning, this can be hard. The peace that comes from no bills and money in the bank – priceless!

3. Give 10% monthly. Are you kidding me? Give away 10%. That is way too much! Before you just shut down on this one, think about how that money can impact others. Our family is starting a non-profit this year. The goal is for all us to give 5%-10% to the non-profit. Some of us already support other causes. Each month, a family member chooses where the money will go. We will have a few agreed upon rules, but a great deal of flexibility. I can’t wait to see how many people we can help just as a family. At the end of next year, Christmas will not just be about us. It will be about how we cultivated generosity and blessed others. What kind of peace and prosperity could you feel next Christmas if you gave away 10% of your income? You will never feel anything quite like it.

So, there you go. Three simple actions that can make 2021 your best year yet (and a great year for those around you, too!).

Wishing you all the best year yet in 2021!

Shalom,

Doctor Peace