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Stop the Fighting for Valentine’s Day

Stop the Fighting for Valentine’s Day

Want to give

a gift that lasts a lifetime?

How about stopping the fighting and healthily resolving conflict? Here are three quick tips to get you down the drama-free road:

 

  1. Original Intent. Remember, you loved this person so much you committed to a relationship together. Over time with consistent unresolved conflict, we begin to see the weaknesses and shortcomings of our partner. Often, these are the backsides of a strength that originally attracted us to him or her. Example. A person who is fun and spontaneous may overdraw the checking account. A person who is the rock of stability may seem inflexible and rigid. Once you begin seeing the negative in a person, changing out your lenses can be difficult. When we see people in a certain perspective, we often put them in a box they can rarely escape. Everything they say or do is now seen and heard in a negative perspective. We no longer give them the benefit of the doubt. We forgot if their original intent was positive. We keep them in a box of negativity. Only we can let them out. There are a few truly evil people in the world. I have not met any yet. Most people begin with good intentions, then something goes sideways. Remember where you started and when things came off the rails. That is the place to repair and put the relationship back on track.

2. Empathy and Understanding. Seek to understand before being understood. God gave us two ears and one mouth. We should use them in proportion. We can never truly understand what another person is feeling, even the one we love so much.

However, we can give the gift of listening to his or her heart, so they FEEL and EXPERIENCE being understood. All too often, we jump in with our own story and fail to listen to his or her story. Empathy is not sympathy. Most of us do want sympathy. We want those closest to understand us. You cannot begin to resolve conflict if you cannot understand each other. You do not need to agree, in fact, on some issues, you may never agree. However, you do need to respect and understand each other. Each of you must feel valued and important, so important you will give undivided attention to listen with empathy seeking to understand the other.

 

  1. Perspective. We can fight over the most trivial things! One couple married over 75 years was asked the secret to their lifelong commitment. The answer was simple. “We decided not to fight over the little things”. When asked what a “little thing” was, they said almost everything. Perspective helps to frame life. I often use the crystal ball question. Do you think this would still be an issue five years from now? If the answer is yes, then you certainly need to work through the issue to find a resolution. If the answer is no, then let it go. You have made a little thing into a big thing. We need to fight the urge to always be right. You may prove yourself right and be all alone. Humility goes a long way to apology and forgiveness keeping your relationship strong and loving.

I could go on. Sharlyne and I have been married for over 44 years. Do we have disagreements? Of course! Do we remember the original intent of the other, understand with empathy, and keep things in perspective? Usually. We have our moments, too. But we repair and don’t leave conflict unresolved. May you as well.

Shalom,

Dr. Randall Kinnison, aka Doctor Peace

Peace in Spirit

Peace in Spirit

How is it

With your soul?

Are you at peace amid everything swirling around you? For some, 2020 was challenging, but also rewarding. Some businesses grew to experience their best year ever. And, some businesses could not survive the lockdowns and were forced to close the doors. Normally, my spirit is deeply anchored and feels the waves battering the ship, yet the anchor holds firm. I will be honest, today the choppy waves are knocking me down a bit. So, let’s explore what it means to experience peace in spirit.

I realize not all of you listening may believe in the concept of spirit. However, many people believe in the human spirit. What in the world is the spirit? In my world view, spirit equals soul. You will not find the spirit in an autopsy. You cannot surgically remove it. Behavioral and neurological scientists have debated the existence of the spirit or soul for years. In the book, Why God Won’t Go Away: Brain Science and the Biology of Belief by Newberg and d’Aquili, they write about research related to the “soul” or spirit. Fascinating stuff. I believe you are born with a soul you have a soul from the moment of conception. Now, since you have a soul, how do you find peace in your soul or spirit?

Here are 3 tips to creating peace in your spirit:

1. Anchor your Spirit. In Greek, the word spirit is derived from the word for breath, pneuma, often referred to as the breath of life. In Stoic thought, spirit is defined as the vital spirit, soul, or creative force of a person. The spirit needs a focal point, an anchor, a belief that becomes unshakeable. The anchor varies between people and their belief systems. For me, my anchor is Jesus. His anchor has stood the test of time for centuries in the lives of others. Jesus has anchored me for decades giving my spirit focus and purpose. My feelings may vary from day to day, just as I mentioned feeling a bit overwhelmed today. I know those feelings will pass and my anchor will hold.

2. Cultivate your Spirit. I don’t believe you can grow your spirit, but you can cultivate peace in your spirit. For me, that cultivation happens with consistent prayer, meditation, and practicing spiritual disciplines. For others, meditation is the key. Every day I spend time in Bible reading, prayer, journaling, and meditation. I frequently add fasting as well. Practicing these disciplines daily creates a strong sense of peace and calm in my spirit. Once a month, I spend a Day in Prayer. Setting this day aside has been life-changing for me. In the past, I would take a whole week for prayer and solitude. These daily behaviors have created a strong tether between my spirit and my anchor. When the storms of life come and the waves crash over the bow, I am confident my anchor will hold, even if my emotions sway with the waves.

3. Protect your Spirit. Protection is different than cultivation. I protect my spirit by limiting exposure to influences that could erode confidence in my anchor or the strength of my tether. I quit watching and reading the news years ago. I admit, this last year with the coronavirus, I did read more news than usual. Now, I have returned to my former habit. I try to stay informed of world events in other ways. I limit my time on social media except communities and groups. I feed my spirit with TED Talks, podcasts, and reading books. I am a non-fiction guy reading books dedicated to learning something new every day. The concept is protection and prevention. Focus on those things that bring peace, joy, and happiness. We entered 2020 planning of what we could gain and finished the year thankful for what we kept.

The world around us continues to grow unstable. We all need an anchor. We all need a strong tether. You can find peace in your spirit. If you need some help, hit me up on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.

 

Shalom,

Doctor Peace

Peace in Spirit

Peace in Spirit

How is it with your soul? Are you at peace amid everything swirling around you? For some, 2020 was challenging, but also rewarding. Some businesses grew to experience their best year ever. And, some businesses could not survive the lockdowns and were forced to close the doors. Normally, my spirit is deeply anchored and feels the waves battering the ship, yet the anchor holds firm. I will be honest, today the choppy waves are knocking me down a bit. So, let’s explore what it means to experience peace in spirit.

I realize not all of you listening may believe in the concept of spirit. However, many people believe in the human spirit. What in the world is the spirit? In my world view, spirit equals soul. You will not find the spirit in an autopsy. You cannot surgically remove it. Behavioral and neurological scientists have debated the existence of the spirit or soul for years. In the book, Why God Won’t Go Away: Brain Science and the Biology of Belief by Newberg and d’Aquili, they write about research related to the “soul” or spirit. Fascinating stuff. I believe you are born with a soul you have a soul from the moment of conception. Now, since you have a soul, how do you find peace in your soul or spirit?

Here are 3 tips to creating peace in your spirit:

1. Anchor your Spirit. In Greek, the word spirit is derived from the word for breath, pneuma, often referred to as the breath of life. In Stoic thought, spirit is defined as the vital spirit, soul, or creative force of a person. The spirit needs a focal point, an anchor, a belief that becomes unshakeable. The anchor varies between people and their belief systems. For me, my anchor is Jesus. His anchor has stood the test of time for centuries in the lives of others. Jesus has anchored me for decades giving my spirit focus and purpose. My feelings may vary from day to day, just as I mentioned feeling a bit overwhelmed today. I know those feelings will pass and my anchor will hold.

2. Cultivate your Spirit. I don’t believe you can grow your spirit, but you can cultivate peace in your spirit. For me, that cultivation happens with consistent prayer, meditation, and practicing spiritual disciplines. For others, meditation is the key. Every day I spend time in Bible reading, prayer, journaling, and meditation. I frequently add fasting as well. Practicing these disciplines daily creates a strong sense of peace and calm in my spirit. Once a month, I spend a Day in Prayer. Setting this day aside has been life-changing for me. In the past, I would take a whole week for prayer and solitude. These daily behaviors have created a strong tether between my spirit and my anchor. When the storms of life come and the waves crash over the bow, I am confident my anchor will hold, even if my emotions sway with the waves.

  1. Protect your Spirit. Protection is different than cultivation. I protect my spirit by limiting exposure to influences that could erode confidence in my anchor or the strength of my tether. I quit watching and reading the news years ago. I admit, this last year with the coronavirus, I did read more news than usual. Now, I have returned to my former habit. I try to stay informed of world events in other ways. I limit my time on social media except communities and groups. I feed my spirit with TED Talks, podcasts, and reading books. I am a non-fiction guy reading books dedicated to learning something new every day. The concept is protection and prevention. Focus on those things that bring peace, joy, and happiness. We entered 2020 planning of what we could gain and finished the year thankful for what we kept.

The world around us continues to grow unstable. We all need an anchor. We all need a strong tether. You can find peace in your spirit. If you need some help, hit me up on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.

Shalom,

Doctor Peace

Peace With Your Body – Sean Betz

Peace With Your Body – Sean Betz

I know so many people who struggle with peace with their bodies. I am one of them. If there is one area of peace yet to conquer in my life, it is losing weight and gaining greater health. This podcast is devoted to all of us struggling with peace with our bodies. Hope you find this helpful with my guest, personal trainer Sean Betz.